Barboleta is one of my favorite words in Portuguese. Minnesota is part of a migration pattern for Monarch butterflies, and I have planted mass amounts of milkweed in my yard to support their needs. My kids and I have found eggs on the underside of leaves, brought them inside to guard, watch and feed through their transformation into beauties to be released.
Gardening is a big part of my grounding process. There is peace in that environment and the balance of its needs for sun, water, nutrient rich soil, and the friends. I spend a lot of time taking pictures of flower parts, pollinators, and leaves. Welcome to the garden of my 2020 COVID lock-down experience. My daughter spent her last year in high school in that environment – graduated and went to college in the Fall. My son practiced saxophone for 4-6 hours daily. My spouse worked from home in his garage workshop. I worked from home managing a nonprofit arts facility on full shut down while being intensely afraid of the virus. I spent a lot of time outside in my garden.
One day, I saw a blue butterfly in my garden. I followed him around wanting a piece of his joy…I watched him drink from flowers and open wings in the sunshine. He felt rare and special.
I have thought a lot about the transformation process. I have also seen that inside that cocoon isn’t a caterpillar whose wings emerge. That entity wraps itself in safety, and it liquifies completely. Then re-assembles itself into entirely different structure. Caterpillars crawl and inch while butterflies float and soar.
Like many of you, I spent much of 2020 wrapped in a blanket in a state of messiness. I cried a lot even from a position of great security. My family didn’t experience death, loss of job, insecurity in our food or shelter reliability, or anything else that feels like permanent loss…and still, I liquified. Still, I feared.
We are all faced with choices…
Plan A: We can pick ourselves up and put pieces back together. We can patch over pieces that are not repairable or lost in the chaos. We can heal some of the smaller wounds completely and scar for some that are a little larger. Some things leave lasting impairment, but we can also compensate by developing other skills.
I choose plan B…
I will just go all in. I will wrap in my blanket. Liquify and leak and ooze. I will squish. I will go through it completely. I will reassemble and change. I will be what I was meant to be on the other side. I will transform. Emerge. Stretch.
And then fly.
It won’t be pretty or easy, but then again, it will definitely be magic. Who is in para a mudança? Who is ready to set themselves free with change?
Mudança 